Wednesday, August 4, 2010

An Understanding

I don't even know where to start with this, I have so many things I feel like I need to say. Things I need to explain so people can actually understand this disease. It really is life changing and hard to get use to. I'm sure some people out there don't understand, they think it's a small thing and it's easy to deal with. It's not , it's absolutely tiring sometimes. I was diagnosed when I was twelve years old with Type 1 Diabetes, I acted like it didn't bother, like it was nothing. I acted like I could handle it, truth is eight years later and sometimes I still doubt myself when it comes to the diabetes. When my friends were going out for ice cream, I couldn't. I hated going to birthday parties and going to the mall because there always came that time that I had to stop to check my blood sugar or eat something. I was embarrassed by it at first, I felt like such a loser, now this may sound a bit dramatic to some of you, but to those of you with diabetes or any disease you may know exactly what I mean. To put it simply, sometimes this shit sucks. Sure every body lives a different life, but living a life that is not simple can be frustrating. Some of the little things piss me off, like having to wake up a certain time to take my medicine, or eating at a certain time when no one else is eating, or of course the whole no sugar thing. That's a real bummer, I love birthday cake, ice cream, and junk food. I hate the fact that I have to take 5-6 needles a day, I hate that when I eat I have to take a needle. I hate when my blood sugar drops and I feel like complete shit, or when my blood sugar gets high, and I feel like I'm walking in the dessert with no water. I hate getting headaches when my blood sugar fluncuates, I hate the stupid shit that comes out of peoples mouth when Its's time for me to take a shot. "Time for your fix?" or "Shooting up again?", but most of all, I hate when people feel sorry for me and tell me they're sorry I have diabetes, and they wish they could fix it. I'm beginning to come to terms with this disease and some days it scares the hell out of me. Some day I feel like giving up, some days I feel like this is unfair, like I'm being cheated on a part of life, and some days I just cry. I cry because it sucks, I cry because there's nothing I can do to fix it, I cry because I wake up everyday with it, I cry because I'm going to be life this forever. The thing the cry about the most though, is the fact that I feel like I'm being a little bitch about it when other people have it much worse.

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