Saturday, August 28, 2010

Good reads!

I find a lot of solitude in movies and books. I really enjoy the feeling of escaping into someone else's life. When I read a book, I love to picture the character in my head, the way the author is describing them. I imagine what they look like, how they speak, how they walk. Then when a movie is based on the book I try to see how close the director followed the authors writing. Sometimes when I watch movies, I get so engulfed and it just feels like I am there with the characters on screen. I love intense heartbreaking, tear jerking, mind boggling movies. Those are the best kinds, the ones that make you think or best of all feel something. I love watching a movie or reading a book that makes you feel a feeling you never even knew existed. I love stories that change your life, your opinions and your views. Those are the books worth reading. I'm a romantic, in almost every sense of the word. Impractical, hopeful, everything is all about love for me. I love those stories that just make you fall in love with the characters, I know this may sound weird but I know I'm not the only one out there whop thinks like this. I've read so many good books in my life I cant even pick a favorite.  But there is one that is up there, "the Outsiders", this will forever and always be a really important book to me. It made me feel something I never felt before at the age of twelve, I feel that in some ways it sculpted me into who I am today.  Here's a list of really good books that I recommend to anyone who loves to read:

* The Outsiders
*North Of Beautiful
*Life on The Refrigerator Door
* To Kill A Mockingbird
* The Great Gatsby
* A Catcher In The Rye
* Homework
* Purge
* Maniac McGee

I will just about read anything, I never judge a book by it's cover :).


Lately everything and I mean EVERYTHING has been triggering my emotions. From the smallest things to the most profound. Tonight I watched a movie called Shrink and every scene in  it made me cry or tear up. It just got me thinking about so much shit. It got me to thinking about how different everyone in the world really is, yet we are all the same. Every single person in the world feels, one way or another. I sincerely believe that every single person in this world has some sort of connection with each other. In one way or another, we have things in common, we share interest, we have the same color hair or eyes, maybe even feel in the same way. I know I've gotten off topic here, so I'll briefly explain to you what the movie Shrink is about, Kevin Spacey plays a psychiatrist who's dealing with his wife's death, he doesn't begin to really cope until one of his patients comes into his life, who also lost her mother. I wont explain anymore because I really think if this sparked your interest then you should really see the movie. Anyway something about the movie just really got me to thinking about how strange life can be. How things happen, people come in and out of your life, make impacts on you and then just split. Shit happens, and it took me all this time to really realize that. I really don't think life is suppose to be easy or else no one would accomplish anything.  I'm only 20 years old and I wish I would have learned this awhile ago. Part of me wants to listen to Bob Dylan and stay forever young, but the other part of me cant wait to grow up. I'm not expecting things to come easy, not at all,. But I'm sure as hell willing to work my ass off to be what i want to be, to be who i want to be. I know this all seems like some pointless ramble, but I just want to say that I will be something one day, something big.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

An Understanding

I don't even know where to start with this, I have so many things I feel like I need to say. Things I need to explain so people can actually understand this disease. It really is life changing and hard to get use to. I'm sure some people out there don't understand, they think it's a small thing and it's easy to deal with. It's not , it's absolutely tiring sometimes. I was diagnosed when I was twelve years old with Type 1 Diabetes, I acted like it didn't bother, like it was nothing. I acted like I could handle it, truth is eight years later and sometimes I still doubt myself when it comes to the diabetes. When my friends were going out for ice cream, I couldn't. I hated going to birthday parties and going to the mall because there always came that time that I had to stop to check my blood sugar or eat something. I was embarrassed by it at first, I felt like such a loser, now this may sound a bit dramatic to some of you, but to those of you with diabetes or any disease you may know exactly what I mean. To put it simply, sometimes this shit sucks. Sure every body lives a different life, but living a life that is not simple can be frustrating. Some of the little things piss me off, like having to wake up a certain time to take my medicine, or eating at a certain time when no one else is eating, or of course the whole no sugar thing. That's a real bummer, I love birthday cake, ice cream, and junk food. I hate the fact that I have to take 5-6 needles a day, I hate that when I eat I have to take a needle. I hate when my blood sugar drops and I feel like complete shit, or when my blood sugar gets high, and I feel like I'm walking in the dessert with no water. I hate getting headaches when my blood sugar fluncuates, I hate the stupid shit that comes out of peoples mouth when Its's time for me to take a shot. "Time for your fix?" or "Shooting up again?", but most of all, I hate when people feel sorry for me and tell me they're sorry I have diabetes, and they wish they could fix it. I'm beginning to come to terms with this disease and some days it scares the hell out of me. Some day I feel like giving up, some days I feel like this is unfair, like I'm being cheated on a part of life, and some days I just cry. I cry because it sucks, I cry because there's nothing I can do to fix it, I cry because I wake up everyday with it, I cry because I'm going to be life this forever. The thing the cry about the most though, is the fact that I feel like I'm being a little bitch about it when other people have it much worse.